This evening, as I prepared to leave home for my church’s weekly prayer meeting, my heart felt unsettled. “What’s the point of going?” I muttered within me. I was surprised by this attitude and felt really discouraged. I wondered about the point of praying and the effectiveness of my prayers. But by the mercy of God, He enabled me to go. My plan was just to go and listen to the prayers. I do find it encouraging to listen to others praying, so at least I would be there, I thought.
So I went to the prayer meeting. It began as it always does, one of my pastors — the one leading for the evening, going through the different prayer points, on matters close to home and also across the world. As these needs were being shared, I felt my heart stirred. I felt the desire to pray. This was God’s mercy to me.
At some point during the meeting, the scripture about praying and not losing heart came to mind. It felt like a lifting of my spirits thinking of that scripture. It is in the scripture to pray. I am commanded to pray, and that’s the point! That truth comforted and strengthened me.
“Then He spoke a parable to them, that men always ought to pray and not lose heart.” (Luke 18:1, NKJV)
So at some point, I prayed, trusting that despite my seemingly muddled-up words, I was obeying the Lord by praying, and the Lord was hearing. The Lord hears.
I may not understand how the Lord works through my prayers, but His perfect Word tells me to pray. So, when next I feel discouraged about praying, I pray for the grace to remember what the point is —God commands me to pray, and His commandment is pure, enlightening the eyes (Psalm 19:8).
I just performed a quick exercise of searching for instances where praying is referenced in the Bible, and it is almost on every page. Christ prayed, and He taught His disciples to pray. May the Lord help me to truly pray and not lose heart.
This morning, I woke up to the news of the death of Dr. Voddie Baucham Jr. I gasped in shock as I read the words that he was gone. Even now as I type these words, my vision is blurred by tears. It may seem a bit dramatic to write that, but it’s the truth. My heart grieves. I feel devastated. Sad. My head hurts. “Uncle Voddie,” as I loved to refer to him, is no longer on this side of eternity. I didn’t know him personally, so it may seem strange to some that I feel this way. But I know I am not alone.
In a text message to me this morning, one of my dear friends wrote, “I know he’s gone to be with the Lord but my heart aches, sis.” Another friend wrote, “This is hard to process.” And so, it goes. These feelings are being echoed by so many. He was deeply instrumental in the journeys of faith of many people I know, and in my own. Especially in those early years when I was figuring out what reformed theology was, what the gospel truly meant, and discovering apologetics. Those were the days when my eyes were being opened to the lies of the prosperity gospel and I was gaining a better understanding of the real gospel. I am grateful for men like him whom the Lord, in his mercy, raised to teach truth with integrity, clarity, conviction, and love.
As I processed the news of Uncle Voddie’s death, I revisited what I remember to be my introduction to him from many years ago: his talk/sermon on ‘Why the Bible is True’ (also called Decoding DaVinci). I replayed it while working out this morning. At the start of the talk, it was surreal to hear him say that he had just preached at his father’s funeral. As he continued, I laughed at his sense of humour and nodded along as I was reminded of the truth of Scripture. It did my soul a lot of good to listen again. I won’t give too much away, but I’ll share the YouTube playlist I created to gather the clips in one place. I recommend it. You will laugh, you might cry too, but you will be encouraged.
I cannot begin to imagine the grief of his dear wife Bridget and their children. I met him and his wife in 2016 at a conference in London where he was speaking. In person, they were humble, kind, and approachable. I can still picture them sitting together behind a table, quietly observing during the lunch break after one of his sessions. My heart goes out to Bridget and the rest of the family. May the Lord be their comfort. My heart aches for them. Lord, help them.
Uncle Voddie is now at rest; what a wonderful thought. His faith has turned to sight. For the rest of us left behind (for now), we are tasked with continuing on in faith and hope. Thankfully, it will not be by our own strength: “The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped.” (Psalm 28:7)
The days ahead will be hard as we process this loss. There seem to have been quite a number of deaths of our public figures lately, and beyond them, deaths of other dear fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, friends, who may not have been widely known but are equally mourned. May the Lord draw near.
🙏
“Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you.” – John 16:22
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
– 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words.
Life on this earth truly is like a vapour. We are here one moment and gone the next. I wish I hadn’t seen the close up clip of the shooting of Charlie Kirk. So graphic, so horrifying. I wouldn’t recommend it. But maybe it was good I saw it. A stark reminder that there is evil in this world. Real tangible evil. The demonic glee that I have seen expressed by those rejoicing over his horrific assassination is proof enough.
May God have mercy on America and the world at large. I am confident that justice will be served, either in this world or the next because God is just, and while the darkness might seem to prevail, the end of the story is already written. God wins. Good wins. Evil is defeated. Death is swallowed up.
“Though the wicked sprout like grass and all evildoers flourish, they are doomed to destruction forever; but the righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon.” —Psalm 92:7,12
And like my favourite character Samwise from the LOTR film says, “…there’s some good in this world, Mr Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for”. Charlie knew that, and in his own way he fought. There are countless others behind the scenes fighting too.
For now we weep and grieve as we rightly should. There’s been so much loss around me that makes my heart weep for those around me and beyond. And while we weep, we continue to reject evil and cling to the good. We acknowledge the things we don’t understand. How can we? We trust the One who knows it all. We trust in the infinite wisdom and goodness and love of God. We humble ourselves before God. We repent of our rebellion against him. He is merciful to forgive and receive us.
“Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.” —Proverbs 3:7
“Turn away from evil and do good; so shall you dwell forever. For the Lord loves justice; he will not forsake his saints. They are preserved forever, but the children of wicked shall be cut off.” —Psalm 37:27-28
Because who knows what tomorrow may hold. 100% of us will die at some point, and our own reckoning will come – it’s only a matter of when.
Charlie is now resting safely in our Heavenly Father’s bosom. Pray for the comfort of his family and all who grieve along with them.
Life can be hard. The trials can be intense but Christ is becoming sweeter to me. The way He patiently comes through. Oh for the grace to trust him more.
The past week has been a difficult one. I have been physically ill and felt so isolated. Battled with brain fog and despair. Self pity showed up too. I felt the fight and thought I was losing. I constantly prayed to God for help. I didn’t feel immediate relief but kept going (by God’s grace)! Today the cloud seems to be lifting. I went to church and that brief fellowship time refreshed my soul. God’s mercy is truly great. I feel His patience and love for me. It never left of course. It just reminds me how fickle feelings can be. I’m encouraged that the cloud always lifts. Joy comes in the morning. I will continue to wait for the morning.
At work today, I was working on a spreadsheet, trying to find a pattern within some numbers that I knew was there. I had spent almost an hour the day before trying to get to the bottom of it with no avail. So, as I started again today, I asked God for help and within a minute I found the pattern I had been looking for! I know this was God helping me as I don’t believe in mere coincidence. I was so grateful and amazed at how the answer shot out at me.
I paused for a moment and reflected on the many other times I had uttered a quick prayer and God had come to my aid in such specific ways, and I wondered, “How does He do it?” God the Almighty One. Does He fire out a command to an angel who responds with the speed of light to whisper the answer to my ears? Or since God isn’t bound by time, and He would have already known the very thought I would have, so does He have the answer ready? I thought of several other possible scenarios. And on top of that, He is simultaneously responding to millions of others at the same time. And of course, God doesn’t learn anything new since He already knows all things. So, “How?”, I wonder. How does He answer with such precision? I cannot comprehend it, and trying to just make my head hurt.
But then I don’t need to know how He does it. In fact, the mystery of His ways causes me to appreciate His sovereignty even more. I am in awe of Him. Why then do I need to worry about things beyond my control? It seems so foolish for me to worry when faced with the reality of the scope of His might. But He knows my weak, forgetful frame and I am thankful that He patiently reminds me of His goodness and His mercy time and time again.
It is a great priviledge to be intricately known and eternally loved, by a transcendent God.
I started today with tears but by the end of the day I was laughing with my brothers and sisters in Christ. The Lord’s day is such a gift from the Lord.
There are days I wonder what it would be like for God to wipe away all our tears***. Today, I think I caught a glimpse of what that would be like.
Sitting under faithful preaching, having encouraging conversations, food, hugs, laughter with people who love God! It really is a taste of heaven! I felt God’s love in many ways today. It truly is healing! My security in Him was renewed! It never changed of course, as He never changes, but my awareness of it was heightened today. I felt unshakeable in Him! My hope in Him refreshed. This day truly is a means of grace.
What a blessing it is to know Christ! What a blessing it is to sit under the faithful preaching of His Word in the local church! What a blessing it is to have fellowship with people who love Him!
I truly am thankful for the Lord’s day!
***"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.”" - Revelation 21:3-5 ESV
I recently moved out of my parents’ house to my own place. One of the things I have started to enjoy is cooking. My mum is an excellent cook, and she did a lot of the cooking while I lived at home and while I enjoyed it, there was less motivation for me to cook there.
Living by myself has meant that I have been cooking and baking much more, and this has meant more cuts and burns on my hands and arms, me being a bit clumsy by nature. Examining the healing process of the latest burn on my forearm has provoked some thoughts. The obvious being that healing takes time and the important of patience and the place for waiting. Not just aimless waiting, but waiting on God.
When the initial burn happened, it stung like nobody’s business, but I really didn’t see or feel the effect until the next couple of days where a painful blister had formed and boy did it hurt! Looking at the pattern formed as my body worked to heal really fascinated me. It pointed me back to the creator of said body – God. As I write this, my mind flashes back to the initial incident; it was under one second. I had been trying to flip a plantain I was roasting in the oven over to the other side, without actually taking the pan it was in out of the oven. I thought I could navigate it, but in a split second, my hand touched the edge of the HOT pan, and my God-given reflexed kicked in to immediately lift my hand off – but the damage had already been done. I feel like I’m diverting from the main points of my initial thoughts (typical!), but I think at the same time I am having two trains of thought. One is the appreciation of the amazing work of God in the workings of the body, and the second is the parallel I am trying to drawn from that.
Healing, patience, waiting.
A lot has happened this year that has stressed to me the need for waiting well, especially through painful situations. The pain of my burn did not kill me. The healing process did not kill me. God had already put the process in place, it was for me to wait and let it run its course. I can’t help but draw a parallel here to the painful situations I have found myself in. Situations where I have felt helpless to do anything about. Situations that where painful, so painful. All I could do was pray to God for strength and wait. Relief from the pain did not immediately come, but the grace to bear it certainly did.
So, I had my guitar session for the second day in a row! It was at 8:00pm though, not the scheduled 7:30pm; but it’s “better late than never” like the adage goes. Of course, I don’t think I’ll be journaling every single day of guitar practice, but let’s see.
I’m using the beginner course by Justin Sandercoe (highly recommended by the way). There are nine stages on the beginner’s course. I’ve kind of mastered stage 1 now based on the amount of times I have started from scratch over the past couple of years ha! So, I started stage 2 today and will probably be here for a least a week.
It’s interesting learning a new skill. My fingers hurt and there are chord progressions I don’t think I can get. For example, the transition from the Dm to the A chord seems to have stumped me at first try. I had to stop and place my left fingers one at a time on each string while strumming with my right hand to try and make sure the chords sounded right. After a few minutes of “why can’t I get this?!’ exclaims, it did sound slightly better. Key word here: slightly. I’ve still a long way from mastery! Sorry if this is sounds like jargon to you!
Basically, “if at first try you don’t succeed, try and try again” is the moral of today’s story. I can’t rush it. It can be overwhelming to think of the end goal and look at where I am now and doubt that I will make it there. But like I was recently reminded, God doesn’t give us the grace for tomorrow. He gives us the grace for today. If I tried to include tomorrow lot in today’s it would be unwise and unproductive, among other things.
So I will focus on today’s progress and be thankful for it. The very fact that I am practicing today is progress in itself! 🙂
So I started my guitar lessons for the umpteenth time this evening. When I mean started, I mean resumed from a long hiatus of non-practice. It’s happened before. I would have a good practice streak for a couple of weeks and then something would happen and the consistency would halt. Weeks, months would pass. The guitar gathering dust and I staring at it and wishing I had the self discipline to pick it up and just start playing; but at the same time feeling bad for not having the zeal to, and therefore shying away from facing myself by finding something less productive to distract myself with. A vicious circle I tell you!
However, this evening I picked it up! A dear friend of mine got me a “8 Chords 100 Songs for guitar” book for my birthday a couple of days ago. Such a thoughtful gift. It contained familiar songs and hymns. As I browsed through, I got excited at the prospect of learning and being able to play them in private singing sessions between God and I. That’s one of the reasons I had wanted to start playing in the first place.
When the lockdown started in March, I knew that I need to actively do something to maintain some kind of routine especially since I would now be working from home. So I decided to set alarms for my hourly activities daily. For example, 5am wake up, 6am devotion, 7am exercise, 8am get ready for work, 8:30am start work, 1pm lunch time, 5pm finish work, 6pm dinner, 7:30 guitar lesson, 8pm journal/blog post, 9pm evening devotion, 9:40pm bed time. Pretty structured if I do say so myself! I mean look at all that productivity! I did keep to it for a couple of days. But then work would spill over to 6 or 7pm, or I would have trouble sleeping and would wake up feeling tired which would have a knock on effect on the rest of the day. Come 7:30pm, I would snooze or cancel the guitar lesson alarm and it became my new habit of snoozing or cancelling these faithful reminders of the habits I wanted to develop. The irony!
So, I am glad I picked up the guitar today, even as I type these with sore finger tips (a reminder that I haven’t played in a long time). I pray to be more consistent. Speaking of prayer, I realise I need to pray more about the seemingly mundane. I do a lot of thinking and I sometimes mistake that for praying. I want to pray more for God to help me. The reality is that I depend on him for everything. He enables my every breath, and He can give me the strength to be more disciplined. So I pray that tomorrow at 7:30pm when the alarm rings for my guitar lesson, I will pick it up and play.
Just reflecting on the reality that most things take time. Progress is a factor of time. Growth is a factor of time. Developing good habits and disciplines take time. Patience. There’s grace for even this moment. This very minute as I type these words, God is at work in me. Grace from the one who holds the times and seasons in his hands.
These thoughts came this evening as I had the urge to do something other than watch a series on Netflix or Amazon in a moment of free time. Instead, I had the urge to tidy my room. Usually it would take it becoming really messy for me to make myself tidy it up. But today I just thought “let me tidy up and vacuum”. This is grace I feel. It’s a strong feeling that this is one of these moments that almost feels like a whisper that… “See? it is possible. You can change. By my grace you can change and you are changing.”
I am thankful for the how God pays attention to the details of my life in a way no one ever can. It is days like this that reminds me that I don’t need the things I need as much as I think I need them. I catch a glimpse of the endless satisfaction that comes from resting in the bosom of Christ. And for a little moment I’m at total peace, unaffected by the cares of this world. A glimpse of heaven. I wish I would never lose sight of God’s grace.
Tosin’s Musings 