I will be turning 30 in a few months time. Being a single gal can be a struggle sometimes. There are days I wish that God would take away the desire I have to share and receive romantic love. I have felt this would make life easier for me, but what do I know? The reality is that I have these feelings, the frustration sometimes is that I can’t seem to do anything with them.
Different people through the course of my life have offered their own unbidden take on my love life or the lack of it – their “diagnosis” of the “problem”. When I was 17 I remember someone telling me that they could “sense” that I would marry early. I wasn’t really thinking about marriage then so I didn’t think much of it. As the years have gone by, I have had people tell me that I needed to go out more – like I was stuck indoors or something. I have had others tell me they “felt” that if I had done things differently I would probably have been married by now. They would of course fail to specify what exactly it was they felt I could have done differently. I am open to constructive criticism you know! 😉 Some well-meaning family friends have tried to set me up on several occasions. Some of these experiences have been comical, and others heart-breaking. The most recent development is hearing statements like, “by the end of the year you will be married”, or “before your 30th birthday you will find someone”. The pressure is real.
The only real “restriction” I have put on myself is the choice to refrain from being physically intimate with anyone until marriage whenever that may be, and the choice to only enter into a relationship with a Christian – and not just a someone who says they are, but are actually living it out in actively seeking and serving Christ, however imperfect that may be. I know these choices drastically narrow down my options and I am totally okay with that. This is God’s will for me and it trumps anyone’s opinion or point of view. These resolves are constantly being tested but I thank God for helping me stick to them.
Over the years, I have been told by a couple of male friends/acquaintances that “the man that would marry me would be sooo lucky or blessed to have me”. It is a statement that has always baffled me. I know they probably meant it as a compliment to me but a part of me still wonder about their thought process behind that statement. It is not like I had romantic feelings for them (okay maybe for one or two…that’s besides the point! 🙂 ), but I couldn’t help but wonder why they didn’t put themselves on the list of those that would be “blessed to have me”. I think the next time any man says this to me, I will ask him to elaborate. 🙂
I have also found that the struggle with singleness is particularly hard when there is someone I have feelings for. When there is hope or a potential on the scene. I start wondering if this could be the one, I start hoping. This kind of hope has hurt me a number of times. There is a verse in Proverbs that says “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” Man knew what he was talking about. It is literally a sick feeling.
There are also times the idea of marriage actual scares me. Sometimes, the thought of having to share my personal space with somebody else for the rest of my life sends shivers through my spine. I do love my space and my own company – my family would testify to that. But of course, I know that marriage is so much more than that. Not a bed of roses of course, but neither a couch of thorns. Then again, what do I know right?!
So what is the point of me writing all this? It really is just to share my thoughts in my moments of struggles; since we live in such a sharing world! 😀
I will say that singleness doesn’t feel like a struggle all the time. I have my good and not-so-good days. Days that I am SO happy about being single (so many reasons to be) and days that I attempt to throw myself a pity party. God in his mercy always finds a way to pull me out when I’m in the dumps of feelings. It’s still hard though, but life can be hard, and also sweet. I continue to experience God in ways I probably wouldn’t have if everything was smooth-sailing. I am thankful for his constant presence in my life. I trust He is good, and definitely in control.
I do wish people would not see a single person and automatically view them as a problem to be solved. Of course there is nothing wrong with the occasional well meant matching-making attempts… I guess 🙂 However, everyone’s story is different. Sure there are similarities in our stories and our paths may intersect and overlap at different stages, but ultimately, our journeys are unique.
So, I might indeed end up meeting someone before I turn 30. If this happens, I would rejoice – as this would mean this was the time God ordained it to be. And there is another possibility that I may hit 30 as a single girl. If this is the case, I would also rejoice, because if I believe that my days are in the hands of God, then there’s really nothing to fret about. All is well. 🙂
Tosin’s Musings 